Peace of Mind…psst it’s possible

It was a Friday afternoon in June, my then boyfriend planned a surprise for us. Weather was a bit overcast, the paddle board was loaded in the truck bed, and we drove just a few miles away to the state park he and I met at. Me, still clueless to the events soon to take place, I vowed to go with the flow of setting onto the lake no matter the occasional thunder and lighting strike off in the distance. Fast forward a matter of minutes and I now had a fiancé. We were engaged.

I look back and laugh at myself now, but at our engagement party to follow, i remember saying over and over that we’d wait a month to start the planning process and just relish this feeling of excitement. That didn’t last much longer than the day itself. As I dozed off that evening, I swear I had our color scheme, bridal party, florals and venue vision mentally decided upon. The whirlwind began and up until our wedding four and half months later never slowed. & for me personally, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I like to say you either love it or hate it when it comes to the details of your dream day and I was one far on the love end of that spectrum.

& yet, let me be honest. There’s a sprinkle of angst, stress, and unexpected emotions swooshed together with the romance and fairy tale feelings. So is peace of mind possible? As a recent bride, I would say yes. It is. More than so.

1. Pick your non-negotiables. Reality is that you and your significant other are not the only ones who have envisioned this day to come. Your siblings, especially parents, closest of friends, and even those whose opinions shouldn’t carry the weight that it eventually does care too. And while always well intentioned, it can feel like an ongoing hurdle to explain decisions made to those outside of you & your soon to be spouse. Just remind yourself this: in most cases (I know some family dynamics are stickier than others), it’s because mom, dad, maid of honor, you name it desire to be involved and in their best efforts do so by offering support, even if not at the best times. So talk it over, what are those non-negotiables & what are those that you can let go of freely knowing when years have gone by you won’t regret its absence.

2. Decide on a reasonable budget. If you've stepped a toe into the planning process, I’m sure you’re well aware of the financial burden that the wedding world delivers on a platter. It can feel impossible to avoid. But might I remind you, there are ways to cut corners in the sense of omitting some costs to splurge on others. Whether that be tossing the favors & programs (always a good idea if you ask me), limited alcohol options, or resorting to fake florals if preferred, there are hacks to the trade. Money, wedding day, & many voices involved can be a petri dish for conflict & as long as it depends on you, keep your budget in the forefront of your mind to avoid heated chitchats. Don’t overcommit. Don’t book what you know will put you over the edge. & instead consider those small details that may have more affordable replacements.

3. Build reprieve & rest into your planning journey. No matter the length of your engagement, chances are you’ll wake up wedding morning anxious for the day & in disbelief that you did it. Your planning (with the help of others) is over. Like actually over. This is the moment you’ve waited and worked for, perhaps cried a few stressed tears, and changed your mind on certain details a time or two. You’ll hear often to savor your wedding day, take mental snapshots of the moment you share your vows, and first slip into your dress. But might I suggest to build in that same savoring into the engagement season. The times you and your fiancé settle on the cake flavor, pick your bachelorette/bachelor party destinations, and decide on the music choices to dance the night away to. Don’t rush through the planning so much that by the time it ends, you wish you had remembered some of those core memories & key emotions felt in the process.

So from a wife now four months into marriage, it seems like just yesterday I was in your shoes. While it’s just a start, & there’s so much more to the art of a mind at peace, just be encouraged that psst it’s possible. For now, happy planning & see you here again soon.